


Comparisons

by DSFanwriter



Category: NCIS
Genre: Deathfic, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 16:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12987543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DSFanwriter/pseuds/DSFanwriter
Summary: He couldn't help but relive that moment, even when lying with a new love.





	Comparisons

**Author's Note:**

> When this popped into my head I had just seen the director's cut of Katy Perry's "Comparison's" video. If you haven't seen it, I do recommend it. I cried when I watched it. I hope you enjoy this. P.S. I had no specific person in mind for the OMC when I first wrote this. Later, I had an idea for another story based on this story but I haven't had time to write it. Maybe some day.

_Comparisons are easily done_  
_Once you've had a taste of perfection_  
_Like an apple hanging from a tree_  
_I picked the ripest one_  
_I still got the seed_

Tony rolled over and stared at the dark wall.  Tonight, sleep eluded him – again.  Tonight, his mind was going a thousand miles an hour and he couldn’t shut it off.  He thought back to that dreadful night; was it just a year ago?  Could have been a lifetime for all he knew.  He’d replayed the scene over and over, from every angle, trying desperately to evoke a different outcome.  Only…it wasn’t going to happen that way.  He knew it, his mind knew it but it was his heart that was betraying him by refusing to believe.  It refused to believe what he had witnessed; refused to believe the funeral they had all attended was real; refused to believe any of it. 

They had been together as a couple for 3 years before **it** happened.  They had worked together for 7 years.  They had both known it could happen.  It was their profession.  It was their way of life.  They had talked about it, sometimes directly (rarely – after all, that kind of talk can really ruin a good moment), sometimes indirectly.  Tony couldn’t imagine him doing anything else but this; couldn’t imagine himself doing anything else.   He had wanted him to retire but would he have been happy?  Probably not.  Not to mention who would have been Tony’s back up then?  Ziva would have done it, but…it wouldn’t have been the same.   He wouldn’t have been satisfied.  He was never satisfied.  He was perfection after all. 

_You said move on_  
_Where do I go_  
_I guess second best_  
_Is all I will know_

They had cleared the building.  He knew they had.  Every nook.  Every cranny.  They had cleared it.  But they hadn’t.  They couldn’t have.  If they had…he would be here. 

The tears came again, slowly sliding down his cheeks as he faced the dark wall.  He blinked his eyes.  He took a deep breath.  He tried to stop the deep ache in his heart, in his soul. 

_Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you_  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night_  
_Oh I wish that I_  
_Was looking into your eyes_

The gunshot had been so loud.  He had looked…surprised by it.   Tony was surprised too, but only for a moment.  He only hesitated an instant before he unloaded his clip into the man who took his life away from him.  Overkill?  Probably.  Any one of the 8 shots from his magazine would have ended the man’s life. 

  
Tony rushed to his side.  The blood…so red…everywhere.  Tony looked into his pained eyes.  He clutched a hand between his two. 

  
“I’m here!  Hang on!  Help is coming!  Just hang on!”  Tony pleaded with him.

  
“Tony…” he whispered.

  
“Ssshh.  Don’t talk.  Just concentrate.  Hang on, okay?” Tony looked deep into the blue depths before him. 

  
“Love…” his free hand reached up to Tony’s face, traced his cheek and cupped his face.  Tony covered that hand with one of his own.  Tony tilted his head into that touch.  His sight blurred.  Tony closed his eyes and felt the tears slowly slide down his face. 

  
“Don’t leave me,” he whispered hoarsely.  “Please.”

  
“Won’t.  Can’t,” came the soft reply.  “Love you.  Always.”

  
That was the end.  There was no more.  No more life.  No more breath.  No more…him.  No more Tony.  Life as Anthony DiNozzo knew it ceased to exist at the exact moment that Leroy Jethro Gibbs took his last breath.  Tony got up every day.  He went to work.  He did his job and continued to look out for the lives of his teammates but the joy that was his life stopped.  There was no more.  

 

_You're like an Indian summer_  
_In the middle of winter_  
_Like a hard candy_  
_With a surprise center_  
_How do I get better_  
_Once I've had the best_  
_You said there's_  
_Tons of fish in the water_  
_So the waters I will test_

Tony took another stuttering breath as the tears continued to silently fall. 

  
“Sshh.  It’s ok.  Everything will be alright.” crooned the man next to him as he wrapped his arms around Tony, pulling Tony closer.  He knew.  He understood.  He and Tony had had long talks about Jethro Gibbs and all that the man had meant to Tony.  He understood.  He would wait until Tony was ready to give him more.  He loved Tony and would be happy with whatever Tony could give him.  For now, it was too soon, too raw.  So on nights like tonight, when the memories got the better of Tony, he pulled the man close and held Tony, soothed the rough edges and calmed the broken heart as best as he could.  There was no more. 

 

_He kissed my lips_  
_I taste your mouth_  
_He pulled me in_  
_I was disgusted with myself_

  
Tony settled into the strong arms and pretended once again it was him.  But Tony needed more tonight.  So Tony rolled over and captured the man’s sweet lips in his.  Tony’s mind screamed no; his heart screamed yes.   On nights like tonight, Tony doesn’t open his eyes.  He doesn’t look into the deep pools of brown before him because they aren’t blue.  If he does, Tony will know and the charade will be over.  If it’s over, his heart will shatter again and Tony DiNozzo’s pretty sure he won’t survive that. 

 

_Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you_  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night_  
_Oh I wish that I_  
_Was looking into your eyes_  
_Looking into your eyes_  
_Looking into your eyes_  
_Oh won't you walk through_  
_And bust in the door_  
_And take me away_  
_Oh no more mistakes_  
_Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..._


End file.
